Why Core Values Aren’t Just Ideals - They Are Our Anchors When Navigating Change

“Core values aren’t just principles. They’re your inner compass — the map back to your truth when everything feels loud, chaotic, or misaligned.”

The Brick Walls

Lately, everything has felt just a little bit off.

Not because of one big thing - but because of the build-up of small ones. Conversations that didn’t land. Energy that felt strange. Little irritations I would normally let go. I could even hear myself venting more than usual, which only added to the tension. I felt reactive, emotional, and strangely tired.

And then I hit the final wall.

One text message. One moment. And it all came spilling out - the frustration, the grief, the anger. Not at anyone else, but at myself.

Because I had done it again.

I hadn’t paused. I hadn’t checked in. I didn’t listen to the inner signs that were quietly trying to alert me. Instead, I defaulted to an old pattern: helping others, softening discomfort, staying calm - even when it meant abandoning my own emotional truth.

Emotional Honesty and the Cost of Self-Abandonment

Consciously I had been telling myself I was fine. That I was just supporting someone else or upholding my responsibilities. However, the truth is, in that final ‘brick wall’ moment, in my one text reply to someone, I had avoided the very process of change that I have been trying to make for myself.

Over the past few weeks, I had defaulted to a pattern I thought I had outgrown:

• Over-giving without checking my own reserves or whether the other person was truly able to receive it

• Writing calm, thoughtful messages even when I was hurting

• Smoothing over discomfort by putting the emotional responsibility on myself to keep the peace

• Softening my truth so I wouldn’t be seen as “too much” or “too emotional”

  
  

However, it was more than just these patterns. I wasn’t just showing up for others - I was performing calmness while suppressing my real feelings. Each time, I turned the tension inward and made myself the emotional filter.

That might look like strength from the outside. But inside, I was slowly silencing my own needs.

And that’s when the anger hit. Not because someone crossed a line but because I did.

I had stepped over my own boundary. I had ignored my own signals. I had abandoned one of my core values: emotional honesty.

And the worst part? I knew it.

I didn’t want to feel like a burden. I didn’t want to rock the boat. So instead of being real, I was being “reasonable.” However, “reasonable” at the cost of your truth is still self-abandonment.

Core Values Are Our Anchors

What I also realised was this: I wasn’t fully showing up for myself. I wasn’t naming what I truly needed or allowing my values to guide my actions.

Because the truth is: Our values are the quiet anchors that say, “This is what is okay for me. This is what I will stand for.”

When we don’t honour those values - when we sidestep them or soften them to avoid discomfort - we don’t just lose connection with others. We lose connection with ourselves. We slowly erode the safety and clarity our values are meant to provide, all to keep things smooth on the surface.

Core Values Aren’t Just Ideals, They are our Safety Nets.

We often talk about values like they are ideas. Inspirational words we put on walls or slideshows. But this week reminded me - our values aren’t just how we live. They’re how we stay safe inside ourselves.

They are our emotional anchor - the place we come back to when life feels disorienting.

They show us where our boundaries lie and what we need to uphold for ourselves (something many of us may never have been taught).

When we’re dysregulated - anxious, stressed, overwhelmed, reactive - our values are what pull us back:

• To honesty.

• To integrity.

• To clarity.

• To compassion (not sacrifice).

• To self-respect

• To boundaries

• To our own inner truth

• To peace

  
  

When I ignore them, I unravel.

When I honour them, I come back to myself - to that calm we all long for.

That’s the difference. If we don’t pause long enough to feel them, we abandon ourselves. That’s what I did. That’s why I spiralled. I knew better, but I didn’t pause to be better.

The Power of Pausing

Here’s what I’ve really come to realise this week:

Real change doesn’t mean we get it right all the time. It means we stop abandoning ourselves while we’re learning. 

The signs often start quietly - in the tiredness, the irritations, the moments where we bite our tongue or override our instincts. If we don’t pause to notice, we miss the message. That’s what happened to me.

If I had stopped to ask myself:

• Am I okay?

• Why does this feel like a wall?

• What’s really bothering me beneath this?

• What message am I being shown?

• Am I being true to myself or performing to be liked or accepted?

…I would have realised sooner that I was avoiding the very value I’ve promised myself to live by.

Everything that was irritating me was mirroring something I was avoiding in myself. No wonder my body responded with such anger.

So, What’s Your Frustration Telling You?

I’m not sharing this for sympathy. I’m sharing it because this is the work.

Change isn’t just affirmations and action steps. It’s sitting in your own mess. It’s noticing the part of you that’s still running on old programming, even when you thought you were past it.

It also starts by getting honest with yourself.

So, if you’re frustrated this week - if things keep rubbing or spiralling - ask yourself:

• What’s really bothering me beneath the story I’m telling myself

• What value have I stepped away from to be liked, safe, or needed?

• What is my inner compass trying to show me, that I’ve been too busy or too scared to feel?

For some of us, the question might even be: What are my values, and am I actually aligned with them?

Here’s the truth:

You don’t have to fix it all today, but you do have to listen.

Start with the pause.

Let that be enough - for now.

If you would like support with this, please do reach out.